Friday July 10, 2009

Image via Wikipedia

Ever see something that you wished you hadn't. Like seeing a 300 lb. man wearing a speedo. You know, it's the picture that you are obscenely horrified by, yet you can't pull your eyes from it. Example: The first time you realized your parents are sexual human beings and then the image of that pops into your head. It's that image that no matter how hard you try, it WON'T go away.

Today I was online cruising through the local bear website. Suddenly a picture pops up of a 72 year old man. Nothing wrong with that so far. Said man had a white beard. Still nothing wrong. Man was damn near naked. Ok, not pretty, but hey, he's proud of his body. Man looks like Santa Claus. Again, he's 72, white beard is to be expected.

Except in this case Santa is wearing a pair of black leather boxer shorts and a black leather Santa hat with the white faux fur trim. Ok, the image is now stuck in my head like a fly on flypaper. But the worst part of this whole scenario is the caption, "Who wants a big daddy Santa bear?"

Ok, this just seals the deal. I am going to require years of therapy to divest myself of this image. Yes, years. I will never be able to look at Santa again as that wholesome guy who brought the great stuff under my tree. Instead, I'm going to see an old white bearded fat guy bear chested wearing leather boxers asking me if I want a Santa bear. My life has sunk to a new low.

So to all you people who are going to put ads on social networks, please refrain from destroying childhood icons. Santa Claus, the Thanksgiving Turkey, the Easter Bunny are off limits. Let's just keep them the happy wholesome characters we've come to love growing up. Like my parents, I do not require the need to see them as sexual or sensual beings.