Monday, September 14, 2009

Image by Denis Collette...!!! via Flickr

Last evening I attended Dignity services in Chicago. For those that don't know, Dignity is a Catholic GLBT group. Unfortunately the Catholic church doesn't recognize the organization, but the mass is still conducted by a priest. It was incredibly beautiful and open. I left feeling completely renewed and at peace. It had been a long time since I've had that feeling.

Today was another beautiful day in a string of near picture perfect days. I noticed some of the trees are already turning colors, mainly yellow. For the first time I could smell autumn in the air. I felt like home!!!

I saw online today, Kanye acted like a horses butt last night on the VMAs. Sad that a guy with his abilities should stoop so low. While I respect him for his thoughts, I must say being rude to someone and acting inappropriate is not going to win him any points. Walking around with a half empty bottle of Hennesey doesn't support his cause either. Maybe he should take a lesson in self-respect. Oh, and buy your girlfriend a real outfit. Last night she looked worse than a hooker in Times Square. Please, no offense meant to all hookers in Times Square.

Sunday, September 13, 2009 Church going

Today I decided to finally go to church. I went to Holy Covenant MCC which was not far from the apartment. In spite of getting lost on the way there and held up by a train, I actually arrived somewhat on time.

I took my place at the back of the service so I could pretend I was a wall flower. Yeah right, within a couple minutes of arriving I had half the congregation welcoming me. While it was nice, I must have turned 10 shades of red. Since there was only about 30 people attending this service, I must have stood out like a sore thumb.

Tonight I'm going to attend Dignity in Chicago. Yes, I'm serious about this quest to find a home church. I've decided, although being spiritual is an important step when trying to connect to God, one must also have companionship on the journey. So off I go to seek spiritual renewal along a different avenue.

This is going to be my first foray into a gay Catholic organization. Somehow I've never been able to reconcile being Catholic and being gay. Hopefully I will find some answers here. Maybe not on the first visit, but I am determined to forge ahead.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Image by Joseph Hoetzl via Flickr

Today the news was filled with 9/11 remembrances. It is definitely a somber occasion that is pretty much etched permanently in every one's mind. Although I know we should never forget, somehow bringing it up year after year seems to be akin to picking at a scab. Keep doing it and it will never heal.

What struck me in the news was how many of our fellow Americans, who are Muslim, dread today. The overall sense I got was that they felt safe staying home and keeping their families close. Many stated the fear that if another terrorist attack happens they would be rounded up and put in internment camps like the Americans of Japanese decent during World War II. How sad is that?

Have you noticed the news regarding Guantanamo has lessened over the past few weeks? Although they are not Americans, I still see Guantanamo as a mark of shame on our country. How could we allow our government to seize people from their country and inter them without due process? How could we allow our government to withhold trials, counsel, and the knowledge of what crimes they committed?

This is not the America I grew up in. The America I grew up in held the rights of the citizen above all else. Everyone had the right to know why they were being held. Our laws require that we are either charged or released within 48 hours of an arrest. Since when did we suspend Habeus Corpus or Miranda? If the government can do this now, what can they do in the future to our rights?

Freedom comes at a cost. We all know that. Sometimes the cost is in the sacrifice of military lives. Sometimes, it is in the cost of the lives of the innocent. These are horrible prices to pay, but what would America be if we simply eliminated the rights we take for granted. Benjamin Franklin wrote that those who wanted to give up their freedom for the sake of security should and would have neither. What does taking and withholding basic rights from those held at Guantanamo say about America? Are we truly any safer?

The sacrificing of our basic rights and liberties at the sake of security is not a fair trade. Although I do not agree with conservative Christians regarding their faith, or with gun holders, I can respect their right to worship or own guns. Although I'm not Muslim, I do believe they have the right to worship and live in peace in this country. To take away the basic rights of any group, as given under our constitution, is an invitation to an Orwellian society where big brother knows best.

So, today, as we remember the horrifying events and the tragedy of the lives that were lost, let us not forget. This is the day that Americans lost something even more precious. We lost our innocent ideological surety that our government would never suspend or do anything contrary what is written and guaranteed in our constitution.

Thursday, September 10, 2009 Civility

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I watched President Obama's speech last and must admit I was very impressed. What impressed me most was that he held complete composure even when a congressman called him a liar. I'm not sure if I would have been so calm in the face of that affront.

This brings me to the question; whatever happened to common civility? As Americans we've always been able to debate, discuss (sometimes heatedly), congress, etc. with the idea of treating others as you would like to be treated, most often referred to as respect. But lately I have been amazed at the amount of incivility our society now tollerates.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store doing my weekly shopping. While I was standing in line I watched a young woman literally push an older woman out of the way so she could get in line first. I stood there absolutely dumbfounded. Although I didn't say anything to the pusher, I offered the other lady a place in front of me.

There was a day when people cared about their fellow man. People would smile and say hello on the street. Older people were given the deferance they deserved. People talked to each other with respect even if the idea wasn't shared or agreed upon.

This is the ideal we should be getting back to.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009 The Voice of the People

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I read a fascinating article today written by Ali Davis for www.365gay.com. In her blog she wrote, "...once you start legislating private matters for other people, your own privacy is pretty much fair game." This article and another article regarding the ethics violation investigation of the National Organization for Marriage got me to thinking about the true voice of the people.

When same-sex marriage became a viable issue marriage rights foes argued that the Massachusetts Circuit Court violated its constitutional limitations by legislating from the bench. Their argument was that laws regarding marriage and other civil rights are the domain of the State legislative body. They filed an appeal which went to the Massachusetts's State Supreme Court and we all know the outcome, the lower court's decision was upheld.

In California, the same thing pretty much happened via the court system. So what did the marriage foes do, they garnered enough signatures to warrant the Proposition 8 Amendment to the state's constitution. This in essence tied the hands of the state's court system. When the legality of Prop.8 went before the courts, the courts sided with the people's right to amend the constitution. What really flabbergasted me was the fact that the court, in essence, conceded that people have the right to enact an amendment to a constitution that is in direct violation of rights secured under the same constitution.

Filed on 05/18/08, the California Supreme Court wrote in their decision, "As past cases establish, the substantive right of two adults who share a loving relationship to join together to establish an officially recognized family of their own — and, if the couple chooses, to raise children within that family — constitutes a vitally important attribute of the fundamental interest in liberty and personal autonomy that the California Constitution secures to all persons for the benefit of both the individual and society." So how can the court reverse this decision by siding with the proponents of Proposition 8.

In Maine, the legislature passed a law that recognizes same-sex marriage. Immediately the National Organization for Marriage started a petition to have the constitution amended and abolishing the validity of the recent law. Enough signatures have been garnered and it now goes before the people.

In Iowa, the Iowa Supreme Court followed the 2008 California Supreme Court's decision and ruled that discrimination in marriage is unconstitutional. Again, the National Organization for Marriage is trying to garner enough signatures to change that state's constitution.

This now brings me to my initial question, what is the voice of the people. The Supreme Courts, whether state or national, were formed to keep the legislative and executive branch from making laws that violate the constitution. Through legal maneuvering, political action committees have been able to do an end run around the legal system. When legislatures, the body of government that is held accountable for creating laws, passed laws espousing equality, the same political action committees have claimed that said laws are not the voice of the people.

If our legislative branch is elected by the people to represent the people, then is it reasonable to say that they are the voice of the people? On the same token, if the constitutions of each state and the country are ratified and agreed upon by the people, then does not the Supreme Courts of each state and country speak for the people when they rule according to constitutional legality?

When the voice of the people speak out in favor of bigotry, who then has the power to override the people? According to the conservative Christian political action committees, no one. So is it safe to assume that the voice of the people can rule that unless a marriage produces an offspring it can not be counted as a marriage? Or how about, person's of different religions can not get married? (By the way, that is biblical according to Levitical law.)

This country has a history of showing that the voice of the majority is seldom in touch with the civil and economic rights of the minorities. It has taken court orders and legislative actions to bring people to treat each other in a more humane and equitable manner. Have we forgotten the civil rights struggles during the 60's? How about women's struggle to be treated as equals and not chattel? Women's right to vote and own property? Slavery? Everyone of these issues were fought against the will of the majority, and in most cases, against the will of the church.

Who speaks for you? Your conscience or your church. Let's hope this time around people will see what is morally right and what is pure bigoted propaganda parading under a religious banner.

Monday, September 7, 2009

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Happy Labor Day. Labor Day is a day set aside to honor the workers of America. For those who are working it's another day to celebrate the fact that you are working. For those, like me, it's another day to scour the online job sources looking for a new career. Thinking back over the years and the amount of times I have looked for a new job, not many thankfully, I can't help but be amazed at how the process has changed.

1. Whatever happened to getting the local paper and seeing pages upon pages of new job postings? Now I scour Monster Jobs, Hcareers, Careerbuilder, Jobs.com to find the perfect job. Hell, it may not even be the perfect job, any job that can support me will do.

2. Sending in the resume and expecting a response? In most cases, that just isn't going to happen. I remember a time that when a resume was sent to a company and said company would be gracious enough to respond with a letter thanking the applicant for their interest. Personally, I think it's good business to send a thank you letter. I may not be a future employee, but I do have a strong possibility of being a future or current customer. So, the way I see it, if you can't have the courtesy of sending a response, what does that tell me about your customer service skills.

3. This has become a near and dear to me fact; American companies do not appreciate the skills of mature workers. I have applied for numerous jobs that I know I was perfectly qualified for only to be rejected. The only reason I could comprehend is that the company hired someone much younger than me. And in most cases, that turned out to be the cold hard fact. What they never took the time to learn is that I am very flexible, very easy going, and very dedicated and loyal. I am not the type of guy to job hop, and I can say this with confidence, most people my generation have the same dedication and loyalty as I.

4. On the whole I have noticed American companies have become very shallow, money driven, and less interested in employee and customer satisfaction. Especially in today's job market companies have the upper hand when it comes to choosing from the labor pool. For most it's no longer about who is the most qualified, but who has the least expense tag.

5. What ever happened to the personalization of the job experience? Let's face facts, corporations have never been employee driven. They do a wonderful song and dance about how they are concerned, but we all know it's just that, a song and dance. How many times have you called a company to get stuck in the endless loop of a recorded answering device. Press 1, press 9, press 2, so on and so forth. What really cracks me up, is when I finally do reach a human voice, they don't speak English. That is because the job Americans could and should be doing is now being sent overseas.

So, Happy Labor Day. For all of you whom are working, kudos, for those who aren't, keep up the faith.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Style, for some of us, is a word that spreads fear throughout every part of our body. For others, it is something to be laughed at. Let's face it, most guys are either wearing the old fashioned suit and tie, or even better, jeans and t-shirt. My style is shorts and polo shirt during the summer or jeans and rugby shirts for the winter. Very simple, very suburban yuppie as my flat mate so eloquently puts it.

Last night I was planning to attend my first "bear" night at a bar in Chicago. I was going to wear my normal "going out" attire; jeans, golf shirt, and a pair of cross trainers. My flat mate laughed and was a bit concerned that I would actually wear that to a bear event. So, off came the cross trainers and on went the black work boots I normally would wear in the winter. Off came the golf shirt and on went a regular t-shirt, one with a bit of suggestive prose on it.

Style is dictated by whatever group you happen to with at the moment. Style is not so much the latest trend, but your destination. For example, I wouldn't wear a suit to a family barbecue nor would I wear shorts and t-shirt to go to the symphony. But, let's face reality, there are some things, as an individual, we would never wear. I, for example, would never wear a shirt with horizontal stripes. I'm already big enough without having something on that accentuates my girth. For me, style is more about comfort, color, and what looks good on me.

This brings me to what I just saw in the newspaper online today. Jean Paul Gautier has shown his spring line for men in Paris. I try to think of myself as having a fairly receptive outlook on what is the latest in fashion trends, but really, how many guys do you know who would wear something like this? Every time I imagine any one of my friends wearing this in public, the ball game, or even a bar I can't help but laugh. It makes me wonder why designers are creating clothing that makes men look less like a man and more like an androgynous manikin.

So much for me being up on style.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

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I've been watching in fascination the debackle surrounding the Health Care Reform. What amazes me is how many Americans are being swayed by the insurance companies into thinking this is a bad thing. Yes, it is a bad thing, for the insurance companies. A one payer system will put them out of business. No more raping the American public with health insurance costs that are astronomical. No more having substandard health care because normal Americans can't afford to pay the costs.

What really has me irked is that the insurance companies have embarked on a mission of disinformation and in many cases out right lies. And yet, Americans are believing this. What has the insurance companies done for you lately? Doesn't it matter that a good 1/3 or more of your paycheck per month is paying them? I don't get it. Come on people, look beyond the lies and base your opinions on fact.

It has been shown that if every American put in 1% of their income to the government healthcare plan every American will be covered. Majority of the European countries and Canada have a national healthcare plan that ensures every one of its citizens can rest assured that their health emergencies won't leave them broke.

In a modern society it is every man, woman, and child's right to have adequate healthcare coverage. No more should people be deciding whether or not to pay the rent, buy groceries, or heat their homes at the expense of purchasing prescriptions.

You may not agree, but sooner or later you too will face a medical emergency. When that happens, wouldn't it be nice to know you won't have to make those choices?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

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Today it is a very dreary day here in Chicagoland. Yesterday it was perfectly sunny, but very hot. So, I went to the Brookfield zoo and had a great time just walking around. A part of me was thrilled to see the animals, but another part was very sad to see them in cages. What really appalled me was the way the monkeys and apes were kept indoors. There were fake trees, fake rocks, painted jungle scenery, on the whole, it was very depressing. I kept imagining how I would feel if I were in an enclosure with no sun, no grass, no real trees and very little room to move around. It didn't seem humane in the least.

Yet, there were other areas that were wonderful. The bird house was absolutely beautiful and it was wonderful to see the birds were able to fly about. The wolf enclosure was very idyllic with a wonderful hill, live trees scattered about, places for them to den, and even a small stream with a waterfall. All in all it was a beautiful day

Today is the 9th anniversary of my marriage falling apart. It's been a pretty tough day as I realize that I have been in a cycle of 9 years making some very powerfully wrong decisions. The breakup of my marriage wasn't wrong, but leaving DC to move to Florida was not a good idea, staying at a job I grew to hate was not a wise decision, buying a house that was too big and too expensive was not a brilliant idea either. I hated Florida and everything it stood for in relationship to my life. In essence, I was running away from a bad situation and ended up in a worse situation.

So today is a day of reflection. I need to start making wise decisions. I need to look to the future and decide what I'm going to do. I've allowed myself to be down long enough. Time to dust myself off and re-invent the real me. Yes, re-invent, re-discover, re-vamp, whatever you want to call it. The operative word is change. So here's my new resolutions:
1. No more dwelling on the past. What's happened has happened. Can't change that now but, what I can do is move forward.
2. Get a fricken job!!! This is really irritating as I can't figure out why I haven't got a job already. I know I'm skilled, easy to work with, fast learner, etc. So if anyone has any ideas or leads, I would really appreciate the help.
3. Figure out where I want to live and how I want to live. I'm believing small is good.
4. I've spent a lifetime collecting material things and for what? So I now resolve to build personal relationships. Friends first. Material things can definitely go by the wayside, as I have learned.
5. I have to laugh more. I used to be the guy who could joke around and laugh. I used to be able to make others laugh. I miss that in my life. So if you know a good joke, I'm ready to hear it.

In the end, I want to get back to the ole Don with a new outlook. As Patti LaBelle so eloquently put it..."I got a new attitude." On a side note...totally looking forward to seeing the move Avatar!
Hugs to all of you!!!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Image by sigity via Flickr

Wow, it's been almost a month since I've written down my thoughts. I wish I could say it was because I've been so busy that I haven't had time. But that is just a wish. Nothing new has really happened. My ankle is still a mess, my back is still a mess, and I still haven't found that ever elusive job.

Depression is a funny thing. Some days I feel like I'm on top of the world and the next day I can barely get out of bed. Somehow I feel like I'm standing at the window of life peering in. And the worse part is that I want to participate, but I don't seem to know how. I have been forcing myself to get out of the apartment. I've been able to go into Chicago and just tool around the suburbs. It's nice to get out, but within a couple of hours I want to go home.

So for those of you who have read this, bear with me. I'll be back to my ole self soon. As for me.....I need to keep taking it one day at a time. No looking back, no regrets, only look ahead and see all the possibilities waiting out there.

In the meantime I could really use a hug.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Image by Nevada Tumbleweed via Flickr

I read over the weekend that Walter Cronkite had passed away. He had become such an American icon over the years. I read that he was the most trusted and believed news caster of all time. I can honestly say I used to watch him every Sunday religiously on the CBS Sunday show. Hearing his voice and watching whatever he was presenting somehow connected me to America. I looked forward to his clips on different small towns in America. He presented a picture of small town America like no one I had ever seen. I could relate to the images and the comments people made.

So to Walter Cronkite's family I send my prayers. He was truly a great American.

Friday July 10, 2009

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Ever see something that you wished you hadn't. Like seeing a 300 lb. man wearing a speedo. You know, it's the picture that you are obscenely horrified by, yet you can't pull your eyes from it. Example: The first time you realized your parents are sexual human beings and then the image of that pops into your head. It's that image that no matter how hard you try, it WON'T go away.

Today I was online cruising through the local bear website. Suddenly a picture pops up of a 72 year old man. Nothing wrong with that so far. Said man had a white beard. Still nothing wrong. Man was damn near naked. Ok, not pretty, but hey, he's proud of his body. Man looks like Santa Claus. Again, he's 72, white beard is to be expected.

Except in this case Santa is wearing a pair of black leather boxer shorts and a black leather Santa hat with the white faux fur trim. Ok, the image is now stuck in my head like a fly on flypaper. But the worst part of this whole scenario is the caption, "Who wants a big daddy Santa bear?"

Ok, this just seals the deal. I am going to require years of therapy to divest myself of this image. Yes, years. I will never be able to look at Santa again as that wholesome guy who brought the great stuff under my tree. Instead, I'm going to see an old white bearded fat guy bear chested wearing leather boxers asking me if I want a Santa bear. My life has sunk to a new low.

So to all you people who are going to put ads on social networks, please refrain from destroying childhood icons. Santa Claus, the Thanksgiving Turkey, the Easter Bunny are off limits. Let's just keep them the happy wholesome characters we've come to love growing up. Like my parents, I do not require the need to see them as sexual or sensual beings.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

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Great news on the Marriage Equality front! Massachusetts has sued the federal government for over reaching their boundaries when it comes to marriage issues. The suit claims DOMA, Defense of Marriage Act, is forcing states to discriminate in the way they handle the benefits of same-sex marriages as opposed to the benefits entitled to opposite-sex marriages. Massachusetts stated in their suit only the states have the right to adjudicate who is allowed to get married, and the federal government, by claiming only a union between one man and one woman constitutes a marriage, is superseding individual state rights. Talk about a major jump in the direction of equality.

Speaking of marriages: This Monday I've been invited to witness two of my friends finally taking their vows after 10 years of being together. They are driving from Texas up to Iowa to take their vows and then they are off to honeymoon at Mt. Rushmore. Not exactly my idea of romantic, but after all those years of being together and traveling all over the world, Mt. Rushmore can have it's charms, I guess. (Think leather boots, jeans, and flannel shirts. LOL)

What really touches my heart about my friends wanting to take their vows is that said vows will not be recognized in Texas or in our federal government. Still, it means enough to them to say before God and witnesses that they are willing to commit to one another. It also means to them their union is recognized legally, even if that legality is only in a few states.

Maybe it shouldn't be a big deal to me, because I've known them for seven of the ten years they've been together. I've also witnessed plenty of straight marriages in my life. Maybe it's because I am witnessing first hand the indomitable human spirit and our sense of what is true equality and justice for all. Maybe it's because I am finally seeing the words of our Declaration of Independence ring in living action....."all men are created equal and they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights.....life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

It's not about tax credits or federal benefits. It's not about religious persecution, religious freedoms, or freedom of religion. It's not about wanting to make a statement for change. It is about two people creating a life for each other with a statement that says; I will commit myself and all my worldly possessions, thoughts, endeavors, and actions to you and to us. No matter where your viewpoints lie, how can you argue against that? Is that not what everyone, who is united by love, ultimately wants?

With that thought, I happily look forward to the day I can say I do, I will.

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• The Flag of Equal Marriage (themoderatevoice.com)

Monday, July 6, 2009

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A few thoughts from today:

1. Marion Barry was arrested over the weekend for stalking a woman. I'm sorry but I can't help but laugh hysterically over this one. This is coming from the ex-mayor and current council member of Washington, DC. The same man who was arrested for smoking crack in a hotel room on a video drug bust by the FBI and who claimed he was entrapped. Ok, entrapped holding a smoking pipe to one's lips. That's rich. Then he goes on to be the lone council member to vote against DC's recognition of gay marriages from other states. He claimed he was the moral compass. What morals? I guess stalking is perfectly acceptable, even righteous. I think he needs to invest in a new compass.

2. The military ousted the Honduran President Zeyala and sent him accross the border into exile. In the meantime they have instated Roberto Micheletti to be head of the caretaker government. So the U.S. is calling for the re-instatement of President Zeyala even though he illegally tried to force a change to the constitution vote which will allow him to retain power indefinitely and he wants closer ties to Venezuela. Pardon my ignorance, but aren't we supposed to be on the side of constitutional law and democracy. How is one person retaining indefinite power democratic? On top of that, shouldn't we be concerned about his growing desire to form a closer relationship with Hugo Chavez's leftist government in Venezuela? Again, it's another case of the U.S. meddling into affairs which quite frankly we have no business in. A wise person once said, "If you're off minding other people's business, who's minding your's?"

3. Roger Federer rocks!!!

4. Sarah Palin resigned from being governor. This is sad news, why?

5. Archbishop of Rochester Michael Nazir-Ali said the Anglican church welcomed gays because "we want them to repent and be changed." Rev. Nazir-Ali is a leader of the conservative branch of the Anglican church that has issues with gay marriage, gay ordinations, and of course, women being ordained. Does this mean women need to repent for being women?

6. President Obama and Russian President Medvedev are talking nuclear missile reduction. Well, North Korea wants nukes, so how about we drop them on North Korea. Problem solved....we get rid our nukes and Kim Jong-il gets his wish to be a nuclear country.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Image by Matt Stratton via Flickr

Today was the perfect day in Chicagoland. Talk about awesome!!!! Sun was out, very little humidity, temperatures were in the 70's. Completely a 10!!! As I drove up Lake shore Drive it seemed everyone else in the city had the same idea. Talk about gridlock....It took me over an hour to do the 7 or 8 miles from one end to the other. At least the guy next to me was blasting his dance music so we could move and groove. HAH!!!

Today I met a new friend. Talk about an instant attraction. We hit it off like we had known each other forever. He was from the same area of Southern California that I had lived in when I went to college. Talk about a small world.

It turns out that he and his room mate have a gorgeous American Bulldog named Gryphon. Gryph is 100 lbs. of pure puppy love. It's good to meet another dog lover. Now I am missing my "little" Annie something fierce.

We took Gryphon for a walk down to the beach and watched the people out barbecuing, enjoying family, and in general celebrating the day. Gryphon was the center of attention which, in true lovable pooch style, he lapped it up. He knew he was a star attraction wagging his tail at every passerby and earning some serious petting.

After sitting on the bench overlooking Lake Michigan for what seemed like an hour of pure bliss, we decided to head off to get something to eat. We went to a local pub cum restaurant kind of place. Sorry if I can remember the name. What I can remember is that they had the most awesome burgers. So there we sat stuffing our face and washing it down with beer. That, my friend, is the meaning of life. I am still stuffed from dinner at this writing.

Next we went for a Sunday drive up Sheridan Ave. For those who have never been here, Sheridan Ave is home to some of the most ostentatious houses in America. I've never seen so many mansions lining the street. It was absolutely jaw dropping and yes, I drooled over many homes.

We followed Sheridan north through Northwestern University, Evanston, Wilmette and finally North Shore (I think). Each town was prettier than the last. Stately homes on beautifully manicured lawns. How gentile.

On the way back we stopped at the B'hai Cathedral. This is an absolute wonder to behold. The entire structure is white sandstone or limestone (not sure which). The carvings covering the building are absolutely breathtaking. In the top of the dome is a scrip in Arabic that praised the holiness of God.

Yes today was an incredible day with great company. What more could I ask for? To do it again of course.

Friday, July 3, 2009

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Just a quick note to say I'm still alive and kicking. Not much has been happening recently. I finally asked the guy I've been seeing if he'd like to spend the weekend together. We've been casually getting together for 2 months now, and I figured it would be nice to spend the holiday together. I have a strong feeling he wasn't that receptive to the idea. With all his joking about wanting to get to "know" me, when I finally acquiesed to the idea, he seemed to back off. So now I'm left to wondering.

Today I took a long drive to try and clear my head. It's amazing how much clearer I think when I'm alone in the car with no destination to hurry to. It's just me, the road, and whatever music was on. In this case it was a station on XM called Coffee House. Pretty good "unplugged" music, which at this point, was very soothing.

I drove through some towns that were all decked out in their Red, White, and Blue finest. Naperville is having a Ribfest and from what I hear, it's pretty damn good. La Grange is having a picnic in the park day tomorrow. Downer's Grove is having a street festival. To be honest, it felt like I was driving through an endless parade of Norman Rockwell paintings.

For the past couple of weeks I've had this strong urge to retreat back into myself. I don't know if it's because I'm facing possible surgery on my ankle, again. Maybe it's because I'm in a new place and haven't really made any close friends or connections. But more than likely it's because I'm not working yet. It's amazing how one defines his/her entire life around what they do for a living. Take that away and what's left.

I guess this is me trying to figure out who I am, yet again. Something we all do, but at 50 years old, I would have thought by now I'd be pretty sure of who and what I am. Mabybe this is what they call a midlife crisis? It's pretty daunting when one comes to the reality that he has no job, no home, no friends to gather around and yet he's still got to keep plugging away.

So, in the end I guess I'm being called to coccoon. Rebuild my life and my thoughts. Reshape myself for the possibilities ahead. Here's to hoping the product of this respective is stronger, more resilient, self-assured, and independent.

To all who are coccooning also, may you be the brilliant butterfly you've always dreamed you'd be; beautiful, graceful, artistic, and independent.

Friday, June 26, 2009

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Today was a shopping day. Actually it was supposed to only be a quick trip to a spiritual bookstore run by the American Theosophical Society. Anyway, I had a fun time browsing through the books on mysticism, Buddhism, American Indian beliefs, etc. Then there were all kinds of pretty rocks that were supposed to promote different things. I swear I was tempted to buy rhodocrosite so I could get my love life in order. (I wonder if it really works, definitely couldn't hurt.)

I ended up buying a book of meditations on the words and actions of Jesus. This should be interesting. I also bought a bible with direct Hebrew, Greek and Aramaic translations. Again, that should be interesting.

After finishing with my spiritual journey book shop, I figured that while I was out it would be good to buy some gulf shirts. I've only got three I can wear, and wearing the same ones over and over again isn't good when going on a date, especially since all three are old and should be tossed. So off I went. First stop...Burlington Coat factory. I found some there, but they all were made for a 20 something year old. Although they're cool shirts, I don't think they were quite me. Purple with medieval devils is not my idea of high style. Plus what they had in my size was quite limited.

Next stop.....Manny's. Forget Manny's. It was nothing but old men shirts. hmmmmm Then I tried Target's, but again, their selection was rather limited to horizontal stripes. And yes, we all know what horizontal stripes look like on a large guy. Not pretty.

Finally I found a Rochester Men's store. Inside was a slew of Ralph Lauren Polo shirts in every color of the rainbow. I was like a kid in a candy store. I'll take the raspberry one, brown one, baby blue one (because we all know I look awesome in blue), and one of these really sporty ones.

Yes, it was Nirvana until I hit the cash register. Hmmmmmmm As I watched to total hit the troposphere, my wallet began to sing rather loudly. "Are you f***ing nuts!!!" Well actually, yes I am. I hate clothes shopping so I figure if I'm going to go, I'm going to do it once and it will last me a few years. That's my thought and I'm sticking to it.

So now I have enough shirts to last me a while and I can wear them this weekend. Here's to my first Pride Fest experience. Maybe, just maybe, I'll get lucky. Hmmmmm I think I'll wear raspberry for the occassion. It's not cherry, but it's close enough. Hugs to all.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Michael Jackson via last.fm

Today has been a very quiet day. Really not much has happened except for finding out that South Carolina's Republican Governor has had a year long affair with a mistress in Argentina. Which brought to mind a couple of questions...

1. How does one go about having an intercontinental affair and no one know about it? Especially his current wife? I mean it's one thing to be having a fling with the girl next door or someone even accross town. That I can imagine being easy to hide, but how do you hide plane tickets, passport stamps, hotel room costs, etc? I've heard of the addage "Where there's a will there's a way.", but this truely boggles my mind.

2. How does one link hiking on the Appalachian trail to horizontal mombo in Argentina and not tell anyone? Maybe it's the "getting back to nature" tie in. Or maybe he just decided his body needed a different type of workout. Even his staff thought he was hiking the trail to relieve the stress of the latest state congressional session.

3. Did he really think he wouldn't get caught?

I read that Farrah Fawcett succumbed to her battle with cancer and Michael Jackson died today. I wish their families strength and peace. I also wish them well on their next journey.

On that note.....here's to a quiet Thursday. Pizza guy is here!!!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Image via Wikipedia

Grocery shopping,

I hate grocery shopping. Yes, I know it is a necessary evil and one that can't be avoided unless I eat out everyday, which is not about to happen. I had a simple grocery list: milk, eggs, onions, mushrooms, granola bars (yum), coffee and a broom to sweep off the balcony. Not much by grocery list standards.

So I timed myself. First stop, Aldi's. To get 3 gallons of milk, Larry is a milk fiend and only drinks whole milk (yuk), sugar, eggs, onions and mushrooms took me all of 10 minutes. Getting through the check-out line took me 35 minutes. Yep, 35 minutes of staring off into space wondering why they would only have one cashier with a line stretching around the store.

Even more annoying at Aldi's is the fact that you have to deposit a quarter to use the grocery cart and then have to pay for bags. I had forgotten my bags, so I ended up trying to squeeze everything into one bag I purchased. Seeing that as a futile attempt somewhat akin to putting a 300 lbs. body into a size 30 pair of pants, I decided to leave the milk "free range." Yes, I got the quarter back at the end of my tour, but it's just the idea that irks me.

Next I was off to Jewel's, which is accross town. Jewel's is the shopping market preferred by Larry, the room mate. God forbid I just go to Dominick's which is just down the street. (It's supposedly owned by the Mormons and we all know shopping there is going to implant some deep desire that we all take multiple wives and live in trailor compounds.) Actually I hate Jewel's. The way it is laid out makes absolutely no ryhme or reason. But there I was.

So I grab my cart and promptly get damned near run over by a speeding elderly gentleman who seems to be on a mission of great importance. Well, it's either of great importance or he's trying to out run his memory and gather everything needed before the Mrs. has a coronary. I head for the granola section, which you would think would be close to the cereals and breakfast bars. No such luck, it's in the potato chip aisle.

Anyway, it takes me 25 minutes just to grab o.j. (not the trial guy), granola bars, coffee (which is in the spice aisle), and a broom. Pretty fast until I hit the express checkout line. Ok, I am convinced that either Americans can't count or they can't read. Possbily both. In front of me was the same elderly man who was running the Indy 500 with his cart loaded with items. Yes, loaded. I'm not sure how he did what he did so fast, but damn that was some impressive shopping.

The cashier looks at him and then looks at the sign. A gesture totally lost as he gazes at her with an absolutely clueless face. So there I stand, reading the latest in gossip. 20 minutes later I'm heading out the door. By the time I got home it had taken me an 1.5 hours to do the little list.

Mind you, it's not the time, because frankly I have nothing but time. It's the idea of having to do battle and run the marathon everytime I go. And they say we come from a long line of hunters and gatherers. Maybe that's why I'm gay; my gene pool were more the "let's eat out" set.

Till our next shopping trip...

Monday, June 22, 2009

Image by sonictk via Flickr

Today I decided that the little iPod ear plugs had to go. Every time I put them in my ear they 1. fall out or 2. make my ear sweat like crazy. Although the sound was great, they were just too uncomfortable.

So we, Larry and I, went to Best Buy. No luck, they had only 2 sets of over the ear headphones. I wasn't about to pay $180 for a set of Bose and the other was a $12.99 set designed for children. Which would explain why they were labeled "children's headsets". Finally, truth in advertising.

Off we went to Micro Center. For all you computer geek wannabes, Micro Center is the Shangri-la of computer stores. They have everything you could ever want and more. The array of hard drives, laptops, cables, modems, programs, etc. is staggering. Like I said, a veritable cornucopia of computer stuff.

I moved around the store, probably looking like Hansel and Gretel after they discovered their breadcrumbs were eaten, trying to find just plain headphones. I walked up one aisle and down the next zeroing in on my prey. Eureka! I found the aisle. Before me pegged like pins in a map were no less than 150 choices of headphones.

Headphones with skulls, headphones with built-in microphones, head sets with removable ear pieces that can be color coordinated to your ensemble. Big headsets, little ear plugs, this maker, that maker. I was completely overwhelmed. For 45 minutes I stared at the different headsets wondering what was the difference. How could choice A be that much different than choice B?

So, being the kind of guy I am, I quickly eliminated all the in-the-ear plug types. Great, that left only 80 choices. Next, eliminate all the ones with microphones because lord knows I'm not going to be talking to anyone while listen to my iPod or watching a movie. Now we're down to about 60. Now I could discard all the headsets that were less than $20. I figured if they're under $20 bucks they can't be that good. Now were down to 10.

Dilemma....I've narrowed down to 10, well make that 9 because I wasn't going to pay $300 for a set of Sennheisers. I'm staring at 9 headsets not knowing which one to get. I could go and try to get some kid who looked like they knew everything there was to know about this stuff or I could just wing it. But if I'm going to spend $40 on a set of headphones, they had better be pretty decent. Instead of looking ridiculous and asking for help, I opt to just stand there and stare. Yep, staring is good. Staring makes you look like you know what you're doing. And if you're pacing and staring, then people ignore you all together; you've got it under control.

So I try to narrow it down to 3 pair. I couldn't even do that. This one has this kind of base output and watts per ear. The other one has this much. I was sweating like crazy and quite frankly getting irritated by the whole choice thing. Finally my room mate walks up and sees my face. He actually starts laughing. "What's wrong with you?" he chuckles. "Look at all these choices and I haven't a clue which are any good." I respond. Without batting an eye he walks over and grabs a set of Sennheisers. "If it was me, I'd buy these." he says. Knowing that Larry is a music major, has a music studio, plays 5 instruments, I kinda take him for his word that he knows what sounds good.

Is there such a thing as having too many choices? I don't know, but I do know that I rely more and more on what my friends say about a product. If I don't know anyone who has one, then I probably won't buy it either. And that is my choice.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Image via Wikipedia

Happy Father's Day

I awoke this morning with the excited anticipation of getting a phone call from Ian. Once I looked at the clock, I realized he wouldn't be calling me anytime soon, as it was already 10:00 a.m. his time. For those who don't know, Ian works from 11:00 p.m.until 7:00 a.m. and at 10:00 a.m. he would have already been asleep.

So I decided to check my email, which is part of my normal waking up routine. In the email was a beautiful card from John, in the Philippines, (Thank you John), and a card from Ian. I opened the card from Ian to be greeted by scenes from Star Wars with the "galaxy far away" titles flashing through. Whoever thought of making a father's day card from Star Wars was pretty inventive. I never pictured Darth Vader as a realiable example of fatherhood, but there was the proof right before my eyes. It instantly brought a smile to my face.

Then I read the note Ian wrote at the end. Please bear with me as I share this with you:

"If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember: You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you. I love you dad!" Ok, that was enough to bring me to tears.

As a Dad I have tried to set the example of what a loving father should be to his son. I have been critical even when my heart wanted to praise him, I've been stern although I wanted to laugh, I have corrected him when all I wanted to do was cry with him. Being a dad is never easy. There's no manual. There is only the one hope that a true dad has; that in spite of everything he does or fails to do, his child will grow up to be a loving, strong, independent, and good hearted person.

I have witnessed this with my son. In spite of all the dreams that I had for him; he has followed his own drummer. He has grown into the man I had hoped he would be. He is strong in his convictions, loving in his actions towards others, committed to doing what he knows is right and yet understanding and accepting of others who do not see things his way. He follows his dreams with the passion of an artist. And above all, he is true to himself.

Now, if he could only remember to call me more often, I would be a happy man.

On the lighter side of my day......I saw four goldfinches today. Yes, count 4 of them. Ok, that may not seem like much, but I haven't seen a goldfinch in over 10 years. When I was a child I would always be delighted to see their flash of yellow dancing in and out of the tree branches. They were rare sights in New York and Maryland, so to see 4 of them today really brightened my day. I raced to grab my binoculars in order to get a close up view. (God, I love binoculars) Lord only knows what my neighbors were thinking as I was focusing in on the birds. At this point, who cares....I saw 4 goldfinches!!!

Saturday, June 20,2009

Today is clean-up day in the neighborhood. Actually, I live in a pretty prestine area with lovely parks to walk in, tree lined streets with well kept 1960's houses and manicured lawns. So I bet you're wondering why clean-up day?

Last night we were hit with a wet microburst. For those who don't know, a microburst is similar to a tornado without the convergent winds. In other words, a very strong down draft that hits the surface and spreads out in straight lines. A wet microburst is accompanied by heavy rains.

At about 5:30 p.m. the clouds got extremely dark. It looked like the sun had set, but obviously was too early in the day. Next thing I knew it was pouring down in buckets. The last time I saw rain like this was in Florida where it rains so hard you can't see out the windshield. There was generalized lightening everywhere but no bolts or chains.

Out of the south/southwest the winds instantly picked up to between 75 and 80 mph. The large maple trees were blowing and bending like crazy. Suddenly many of the branches on the south side of the maple tree directly in front of my apartment snapped off and went airborne.

I stood on the balcony, not thinking I would get injured, until I saw a huge flash of light not more than 500 yards up the street. The transformer on the corner of Fairview and 59th Sts. blew sending us into darkness. For over 8 hours yesterday we were without power. Not fun on a Friday night or any night for that matter.

At 3:00 a.m., after having fallen asleep at 9:00 p.m. I was very uncermoniously awakened by the power coming back on. Suddenly the lights popped on and so did the fire alarm. Let me tell you....it works!!! It was the most deafening and obnoxious sound I have ever heard. Worse than some of the contestants on American Idol, and I thought. For another 30 minutes this ungodly sound went off. Instead of leaving the building, I just packed up my smokes and relocated myself to the balcony. The sound wasn't muffled at all, but hey, it was cool and I needed to smoke.

My room mate and I couldn't get back to sleep immediately. In fact, neither did most of the building. So we sat up chatting and loading our cell phones into our lap tops. I will admit that by 7 a.m. I was ready for a nap.

So today is cleanup day.. Sweep the dirt and debrees from the balcony. Go to Homo Depot to buy some battery laterns, and then off to Borders. Itty Bitty Book Lights are fabulous when you can't do anything else but read in the dark. While I'm there it's always good to check out what's new in books. Ciao all....happy reading.

Friday, June 19, 2009

I really don't have much to write today. Yesterday I went to the orthopedic specialist for a follow-up on my ankle. After poking, prodding, bending, pushing, pulling, twisting, and rotating she decided she needed e-rays. After standing there in the most un-natural positions, left foot pointed out - right foot pointed in at a 90 degree angle, she comes back to tell me I may need surgery again. Apparently the tendons running on the outside of my ankle aren't anchored properly and are still very loose which is pulling on the bones. Thus the intense pain and swelling I keep getting. Lovely news. So now I have to wait for an ultra-sound to tell her exactly what's going on. Today, I can barely walk. What fun!!

It's raining here, again, and they are calling for severe thunderstorms and flash flooding. I have been cruising the internet looking at houses for sale in various areas of the country. It's amazing what is out there. It's also very cathartic in the way that it takes my mind off my foot for at least a few minutes until I move it in a way that it doesn't appreciate. Then it's OUCH!!!

So, I'll be making the post rather short. I feel the pain meds kicking in, so I'll be off to la-la land soon. Hugs to all.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Image by katherine of chicago via Flickr

Think of Norman Rockwell, James Stewart in It's A Wonderful Life, Judy Garland in Meet Me In St. Louis. The common thread, small town America. Stately Victorian homes surrounded by manicured green lawns and pristine gardens. Streets lined with mature Oaks, Maples, Dogwood, Beechwood, Poplar, and other trees providing a green canopy and dappled sunlight. The sidewalks are wide providing plenty of space for kids to run up and down the street on all sorts of pedaled vehicles.

Today I joined a friend for coffee in downtown Clarendon Hills. This part of Illinois is filled with small suburban towns that have grown around the railroad depot. Many have retained their Victorian charm and have tried to create little down towns that lure shoppers and others wanting to walk and talk.

Clarendon Hills is such a town. The brick station in the center of town takes you back to when riding trains were what Americans did. The platform has directional signs one pointing to the metropolis of Chicago with all it's wonder and the other pointing to the next little town on the tracks. Standing in the station one can feel, what was at one time in our past, the hustle and bustle of men in suits being waived off to work while women in dresses and kids in their clean shorts and shirts are anxiously trying to get away for a day of fun.

In the middle of the intersection of Prospect, Main, and another street was an ornate wrought iron and brick pavilion. It sits on a beautifully manicured lawn with 2 large Maple trees and some wonderful smelling flowers. I observed two ladies there talking animatedly as the other people walked past them on their way to the various shops lining the street. Both were lost in their conversation as if the world outside them did not exist.

One one side was an Ace Hardware that beckoned people in with brand new garden tools, windsocks of various bright colors, and boxes of petunias and pansies. It reminded me of an old hardware store in my hometown where the floor was wood, the air smelled of oil, and tools of every size and purpose hung from the walls. Nails, screws, nuts and bolts were sold, not by the box, but by the pound. A place where the men hung around talking about their latest projects, what was the best tool to use, and of course who had won the ball game.

Next to the hardware store was an ice cream shop that was filled with bowls of alluring candy, bins filled with tubs of ice cream of all sorts of exotic flavors, mango mint, green tea and honey, vanilla with wild strawberries, and of course the normal flavors like a dark sinful looking chocolate or a strawberry ice cream that was more strawberries than cream. Watching the adults inside I could see their eyes light up with the idea of trying a new flavor and kids staring at the candy jars, and inevitably, talking about which candy was their sugar rush of choice.

Across the street was a little restaurant with a worker busy setting up the outdoor tables and chairs waiting to beckon the evening strollers for a gastronomic feast. There was also a little shop where you could create wonderful bathrooms and kitchens. Yes they were esthetically beautiful, but even more beautiful was the simple, elegant, and utilitarian designs. There was also a salon that was filled with people getting their hair cut and styled all the while they were talking animatedly or reading the magazines about the latest styles or persona happenings.

I sat with my friend at a coffee shop that was at the south end of this vignette. From there under the natural umbrella of a large Oak tree I sat and talked and watched people go by. The scenes that played out before my eyes brought a peace I hadn't had in many a year. Lost in my thoughts and conversations, I realized that outside this world of peace and everyday life, was a world of turmoil, a world of people fighting for equality, and a world of people just making their way as best they can, but all that seemed so far away at the time.

For two hours I was taken away from being jobless, worrying about my living conditions, and all the aches and pains I had been experiencing. I was transported to a time where there were such things as simple pleasures. I was reminded that there are good things in life that are free. Watching the pure joy of kids as they race up and down the sidewalk, people taking their dogs on a leisurely stroll, waving hello to a total stranger and having a great cup of coffee with a good friend.

Yes, there is such a thing as small town America. It hasn't disappeared in spite of the large malls and shopping complexes. It hasn't become extinct due to the Walmarts and Targets. It may not be much, but it's there, and for a brief moment one can be taken away to a whole new world of possibilities.

Time for another iced venti americano with room please.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Image by Joey Yen via Flickr

What is with me and dates? Today I was supposed to meet with the orthopedic specialist regarding my ankle. Yes, it's been giving me problems lately; so you would think I would have made a point to be there. I even had the calendar in my handy dandy new cell phone(LG Voyager) set up with the appointment and a reminder so I wouldn't be late.

Here's the glitch. I received the letter from Worker's Comp. last Thursday. Yes, it clearly said my appointment was on the June 15th. So I counted the days. Thursday the 11th, Friday the 12th, Saturday the 13th, Sunday the 14th, and Monday the 15th. So what did I do? I set the appointment for Tuesday the 16th. I even set it with a 2 hour reminder. It is beyond me how I managed that one. But, anyone who knows me knows that unless you give me a specific day and date, I will somehow manage to mix it up. It's inevitable.

Quite frankly I would miss my own funeral if a day and date weren't given to me ahead of time. So, I arrived today all ready to have my ankle yanked, prodded, pulled, bent and twisted every which way possible, only to be told "Mr. Roberts your appointment was yesterday." I was so embarrassed. Here we go again. I pulled out the letter to confirm my humiliation.

No problem, we'll reschedule. How's Thursday at 8:30 a.m.? Great. I'll just put it in my handy dandy cell phone calendar and all will be well. Yes, I even set the reminder. Now to set the GPS to find the new directions. We all know how that will go.

P.S. The picture is my beautiful LG Voyager. I love my phone. I'm so connected.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Isn't it amazing how the stupidest things will start a large debate. Today Larry and I went grocery shopping after running errands. I had to pick up the normal things like bread, milk, half-n-half, etc. Larry wanted to get the makings for Chicken Fajitas that he's going to take to his friend. Oh, news flash.....Larry has found himself a wonderful man that he is very smitten with. So we look for the ingredients.....peppers....onions......chicken.....Fajita seasoning. The glitch, the store only carried one type Fajita mix. It had a picture of beef fajitas on it. Larry got very upset and said we had to go to another store. I, at that point, had had enough of shopping and just wanted to go home. I looked at Larry and said Fajita mix is Fajita mix. It doesn't matter if it's chicken or beef, they are the same spices. He wasn't buying it. Nope, he was adamant that only chicken fajita mix would be good in chicken fajitas. So we went to the other store where I looked at the ingredient list of all the fajita packages.....I even tried to show him....they were the same. His response, "The ingredients are used in different proportions." How can you argue with that logic? It doesn't say how much of this or that was included, but because it had the word and picture of chicken on it, it was somehow different.

Which brings me to today's thought. The Republicans are now gearing up all their energies to combat the latest Democratic plan for health care reform. The President is proposing a $313 Billion dollar overhaul to our medical system. In the scheme of things that may sound like a hell-of-a-lot of money. But if we're talking universal health care for all Americans, this is just a drop in the bucket.

Right now Americans have the most expensive health care system in the world. Right now at least 50% of Americans can not afford the health care they have. Right now over 30% of Americans have no health care. Many of the elderly have to choose between medication and food or other necessities.

Next to the oil industry, the insurance corporations have the largest pure profit margin. Considering that most Americans who have insurance have to follow the insurance rules on what is covered and what is not covered, how can having a universal health system from the government be any different? The truth is, the insurance corporations are heavily lobbying the Republicans, because they know that a universal government sponsored insurance plan would drive them out of business. They don't give a rats ass about the public's health or how much medical costs have sky rocketed, they care about their profit margins.

Wake up Americans!!! Just because the packaging has different words or pictures doesn't make it different. Government sponsored health care isn't going to be any worse than insurance company sponsored health plans. We already have it.....Medicare/Medical. Many children are covered by law under government sponsored health plans. It's time we stood up against big corporations and did what is wise not what we're told to do by the Republican party naysayers.

If every other civilized nation, i.e. Canada, England, Ireland, Germany, France, etc. can cover their citizens with adequate and quite good health care systems, then we should be able to also. If we all contributed up to 3% of our pay into a government health care system, every American, and then some, could have free top notch health care. Considering what we are paying now to insurance corporations for health coverage, we would have a significant savings in our weekly pay.

It's time we stop believing the packages and start reading the ingredients. That goes for our government also. Now, it's time to go make fajitas. Chicken or beef, your choice.

Happy Flag Day!!! It is a glorious day here in Chicago. The sun came out, there's a slight breeze in the air, and it is wonderfully warm. I almost broke a sweat outside. Today Larry and I went to a picnic. A bear BBQ. No, we didn't grill and eat bears, but rather had a circle of guys who identified themselves as bears. It was an interesting crowd. Most were my size with beards and a ton of body hair.

What was really hysterical about this all American BBQ was a jello made of all the colors of the rainbow flag. How gay is that!!! Even funnier was listening to these big burly men talking about movies, shopping and quite frankly everything but really butch topics like sports, etc. That just proves you can't tell a book by it's cover.

Yesterday I was feeling pretty depressed. The sinus infection was driving me insane and the cloudy, rainy, cold day just didn't help the cause. So I spent the day downloading Eureka and listening to "cry in my beer" songs. Thank God for country music in this aspect. Nobody does a "cry in my beer" song better than a country music singer. So I sat here balling my eyes out feeling very sorry for myself.

Then I got the bright idea that I needed to purge myself on paper. Yep, me who can't write a decent poem if my life depended on it, would spill my guts on a blank sheet. Now, no matter how bad things get, I can never just write something to be writing. It has to be cathartic, healing, powerful.....and above all artistic. Yeah right. I'll let you be the judge of that.....
In the End...

In the end when time has flown,
The flower blooms and then its gone.
When youth was brilliant as the sun,
Time stood still so we could run.

When life was measured not in years,
But through our laughter and our tears.
To sing and dance was all we knew,
A measured beat the latest groove.

We saw our child as he was born,
A witness to a marriage torn.
And when our child was fully grown,
Our dreams fulfilled our futures sown.

Our youth has left us far behind,
Leaving creaking bones and fragile mind.
Remembering back to years gone by,
Love had left with tears to cry.

In the end when time had flown,
Our dust was borne by a wind that's blown.
Our memories in the hearts of some,
An enduring legacy that's left to come.

Move over Robert Frost and please pass the ketchup.

Until next time.....Eat up everyone.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Today I received my follow-up appointment with an orthopedic specialist. It's about time. Back on October 31, 2007 I decided to dress up like Elton John, his early years, for Halloween. The costume was awesome......Silver sequined pants, bright pink long sleeved shirt, and a green sequined jack trimmed in pink. Quite the ensemble. To finish off this look I had a large pair of round black glasses with crystal trim, a red long haired wig, and a pair of Zebra platform shoes. The shoes also had clear acrylic heals with water and fake goldfish in them. They were a hit.

Now mind you, I'm not the most coordinated person in the world so walking on platform shoes all day was a real treat. I managed to do so with a certain modicum of grace. But I must admit, my legs and feet were KILLING me. I don't know how women and drag queens do it!!!!!

At the end of the day, after the Halloween Party at work, I decided I had had enough of Mr. Zebra Shoes. Off they came. On went my sensible no skid no slip work shoes. I finished putting the pumpkins out for display around the hotel when I stepped in a small wet spot on the marble floors. Very ungracefully I went down and my ankle decided to do a 90 degree turn. OUCH!!!

The outcome was shredded ligaments, tendons, and a ripped apart ankle. I went through 3 months of physical therapy after wearing a cast for 6 weeks. When that was obviously not working, I had to have surgery to repair the damage, a year later in October. Since the surgery my ankle has been killing me after standing any length of time or walking. The last doctor I saw thinks arthritis has set in. What fun. This really sucks.

So let's hope good news about treatment will be forthwith on Tuesday. I'll keep you posted.

It's Saturday here. It has been pouring most of the day. I read in the Chicago Sun Times that this has been the coldest and most wet Spring on record. Just my luck. You would think with all this rain my allergies would be all but non-existent. Not the case. I have a wicked sinus infection due to allergies. So if anyone knows a good cure, please share with me. Obviously Zertec D, although it is keeping me breathing, isn't good for a sinus infection.

So, I'm off to buy Kleenex. Ciao.

Friday June 12, 2009

Adventures with GPS: Today I had to go to get my prescription sunglasses fixed. So, I loaded the information into my handy dandy cell phone GPS. Everything was great until my room mate decided he needed to get his haircut immediately. Normally this wouldn't have been a problem, but in order for him to get to his appointment on time, he first had to pick up his car from the shop. That is where the glitch came in. I had already set the directions, so the lovely lady on GPS started giving me directions. 3 "recalculating directions" later my phone got a message that said, "Do you still need directions?" Obviously this was caused because I hadn't obeyed any of her turn directions driving my room mate to pick up his car. At one point the lovely lady was completely confused by my directions and lack of following hers, that she kept telling me bad traffic ahead.

Well, I dropped my room mate off and was headed back in the correct direction. By now the lovely GPS lady had calmed down, knew I was going in the correct direction, and I was well on my way. That is until I missed the exit I was supposed to take. Loudly and quite clearly perturbed, "Make the first safe and legal U-Turn." Very unceremoniously at that. Instead of being able to make a u-turn, I turned left and was able to drive into a grocery store parking lot where I could make a safe u-turn. By now GPS had completely given up. When I got back going in the direction I should have been, I get the nice lady telling me the exit is on the left. I was half expecting her to say, "Idiot, your other left."

Finally I got to where I needed to be with only one small glitch. GPS does not work well on roads that surround a shopping mall. I turned into the Oak Brook Center Road and was immediately told to make a u-turn and my destination was on the right. Great, I made a u-turn (inviting many horns and subtle gestures from fellow drivers) only to discover I was now facing the road I just came in on. No destination. So I made a right. At this point GPS kept saying I was at my destination. I completely circled the mall thinking it was one of the stores facing out from the mall. No such luck, it was on an interior walkway. I love GPS.

On the dating front: Today I had lunch with a wonderful man. I had met him once before for dinner, so today it was a lunch date. We met at the same place and even sat at the same table. How's that for romantic! I am completely in awe of this man. Great looks, rocking body, thoughtful soul, well spoken, and very educated. We commenced to have a very in depth and often passionate debate about the Catholic Church's stance on homosexuality and the bible. I was challenged and exhilarated. He, on the other hand, had the look of a deer in my headlights. I think the in-depth nature of our conversation was a little, just a tad, more than he expected. Funny how these things happen. Trust me, the topic of conversation was not exactly on my agenda when I agreed to meet him. I think it evolved as a tangent from something else we were talking about.

Note to self: Deer in headlights look means change the topic of conversation. Quickly.

That's it for today. God, I hope he calls me back.