Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Image via Wikipedia

Today it is a very dreary day here in Chicagoland. Yesterday it was perfectly sunny, but very hot. So, I went to the Brookfield zoo and had a great time just walking around. A part of me was thrilled to see the animals, but another part was very sad to see them in cages. What really appalled me was the way the monkeys and apes were kept indoors. There were fake trees, fake rocks, painted jungle scenery, on the whole, it was very depressing. I kept imagining how I would feel if I were in an enclosure with no sun, no grass, no real trees and very little room to move around. It didn't seem humane in the least.

Yet, there were other areas that were wonderful. The bird house was absolutely beautiful and it was wonderful to see the birds were able to fly about. The wolf enclosure was very idyllic with a wonderful hill, live trees scattered about, places for them to den, and even a small stream with a waterfall. All in all it was a beautiful day

Today is the 9th anniversary of my marriage falling apart. It's been a pretty tough day as I realize that I have been in a cycle of 9 years making some very powerfully wrong decisions. The breakup of my marriage wasn't wrong, but leaving DC to move to Florida was not a good idea, staying at a job I grew to hate was not a wise decision, buying a house that was too big and too expensive was not a brilliant idea either. I hated Florida and everything it stood for in relationship to my life. In essence, I was running away from a bad situation and ended up in a worse situation.

So today is a day of reflection. I need to start making wise decisions. I need to look to the future and decide what I'm going to do. I've allowed myself to be down long enough. Time to dust myself off and re-invent the real me. Yes, re-invent, re-discover, re-vamp, whatever you want to call it. The operative word is change. So here's my new resolutions:
1. No more dwelling on the past. What's happened has happened. Can't change that now but, what I can do is move forward.
2. Get a fricken job!!! This is really irritating as I can't figure out why I haven't got a job already. I know I'm skilled, easy to work with, fast learner, etc. So if anyone has any ideas or leads, I would really appreciate the help.
3. Figure out where I want to live and how I want to live. I'm believing small is good.
4. I've spent a lifetime collecting material things and for what? So I now resolve to build personal relationships. Friends first. Material things can definitely go by the wayside, as I have learned.
5. I have to laugh more. I used to be the guy who could joke around and laugh. I used to be able to make others laugh. I miss that in my life. So if you know a good joke, I'm ready to hear it.

In the end, I want to get back to the ole Don with a new outlook. As Patti LaBelle so eloquently put it..."I got a new attitude." On a side note...totally looking forward to seeing the move Avatar!
Hugs to all of you!!!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Image by sigity via Flickr

Wow, it's been almost a month since I've written down my thoughts. I wish I could say it was because I've been so busy that I haven't had time. But that is just a wish. Nothing new has really happened. My ankle is still a mess, my back is still a mess, and I still haven't found that ever elusive job.

Depression is a funny thing. Some days I feel like I'm on top of the world and the next day I can barely get out of bed. Somehow I feel like I'm standing at the window of life peering in. And the worse part is that I want to participate, but I don't seem to know how. I have been forcing myself to get out of the apartment. I've been able to go into Chicago and just tool around the suburbs. It's nice to get out, but within a couple of hours I want to go home.

So for those of you who have read this, bear with me. I'll be back to my ole self soon. As for me.....I need to keep taking it one day at a time. No looking back, no regrets, only look ahead and see all the possibilities waiting out there.

In the meantime I could really use a hug.